U.S. — In response to yet another Democrat shooting someone, gun owners across the country have begun to call for common-sense Democrat control.
"Look, we believe in the second amendment -- but keeping guns away from these idiots is just common sense," said local gun owner Stanley Hartfield. "How many people do Democrats have to shoot before we take action?"
Gun owners across the nation were appalled at the photographs from the scene of the latest incident, lambasting the dangers of letting Democrats near guns. "It's like giving a big, very dumb baby a rifle," said Hartfield. "I take that back. Unlike these bozos, a baby wouldn't put tannerite explosives on the table in front of them, right in the shrapnel zone where it could ignite and kill everyone. Look, you won't find anyone more pro-gun than me, but this is like giving a drunk puppy a hand grenade."
Gun ranges across the country have begun taking matters into their own hands, requiring all customers show proof of not being Democrat. "It pains me to do it, but I also don't want everyone to die," explained gun range owner Bill Timpson. "These Democrats come in here firing high-powered rifles, using a scope, at steel targets 13 feet away. You are absolutely guaranteed to get high-speed ricochet injuring or killing someone. I can't fix stupid."
At publishing time, gun owners made clear that Adam Kinzinger can never be allowed to touch a firearm no matter what party he says he belongs to.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
