MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Search engine giant Google released data this week showing that searches for "military schools near me" skyrocketed about ten minutes into the first day of summer vacation.
"It happens every year," Google representative Kevin Evans said. "Parents are home with their kids, the kids are running around, tearing through the house, and it doesn't take long for Mom or Dad to hit up Google to look for local boarding schools or military youth camps."
Local parents Dean and Michelle Harward admitted that they're among many parents who look for suitable places to send their kids for the summer pretty much as soon as school gets out. They said they were drawn to the structure and rigid environment that a good military school could provide for their kids.
"I love these kids, I really do," Michelle Harward said. "But I'm just not used to having them around all day with their requests and their needs and their messes and their noise. Military school is a great option for kids who need to learn a little discipline and structure. Oh look! Turns out there's a highly-rated military school in the strip mall just down the street from us."
Google says they also see searches spike for "is it bad to drink alcohol at breakfast" and "best noise-cancelling headphones" early in the summer.
At publishing time, the Harwards were seen dropping off their three kids at a nearby movie theater at 8 A.M. with $100 in cash and a few protein bars.
Every hour a racist loses hope, will you help the Southern Poverty Law Center to help a racist in need?
