U.S. — Despite attempts by conservatives to attack her for previous statements and alleged extreme positions, a quick Google search has confirmed that Kamala Harris did not even exist prior to July 22, 2024.
The Vice President's surge in polling after being named the presumptive Democratic candidate for president led her critics to seek out as much negative information about her as possible only to be disappointed to learn from Google that her existence began only one week ago.
"This is her complete and definitive history," said one Google user. "I typed ‘Kamala Harris biography' into the search bar and was shocked to learn that she didn't exist as recently as July 21, 2024. Who would've ever guessed that the sitting vice president of the United States simply materialized out of thin air just one week ago? It just goes to show that you can learn something new every day."
Though conservative pundits were adamant that Harris had a track record of supporting far-left agendas and making controversial public statements, no evidence could be found to back up such allegations. "Nope, she just started existing last week," said a source within Google. "I know some people have these wild conspiracy theories that Kamala Harris is 59 years old, previously served as Attorney General of California and a U.S. Senator, and has been the Vice President for nearly four years, but that simply is not true. No evidence of her existence prior to July 22, 2024, exists. It doesn't. IT DOESN'T."
At publishing time, Google had rolled out a warning that would appear on the search results page labeling anyone who wanted to know about Kamala Harris's existence before last week a racist.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
