WASHINGTON, D.C. - At the first hearing covering the January 6 insurrection, powerful, gripping testimony was given by the ghost of AOC, who passed away in the deadly riots. Committee members got out some candles and a Ouija board and attempted to summon her spirit. Finally, she materialized to give her testimony.
Reporters say there wasn't a dry eye in the place as Ocasio-Cortez related the events of that day.
"I died that day," she said, ghost tears flowing from her ghost face. "It was horrifying. It was like a medieval war: fighting inch by inch, little by little, trying to push out the invaders. Sadly, while others survived by the skin of their teeth, I didn't make it."
Ocasio-Cortez recounted to a mesmerized audience how she fought off the attackers with her .50 caliber mounted machine gun, taking down wave after wave of Trump supporters intent on killing her. But finally, she claims, one of them threw a copy of The Art of the Deal at her face, and she dropped dead.
She also claimed the person who threw the book at her was "probably Ted Cruz."
"OK, I gotta go haunt Ben Shapiro now. Byeeee!"