MINNEAPOLIS, MN — After a judge threw out the charges against him, a frustrated Don Lemon wondered what a guy had to do to get inside one of those prisons full of men.
Despite Lemon's best efforts to commit multiple crimes in as public a manner as possible, he has yet to make any headway on getting access to a male prison.
"What do you want from me, huh?" cried Lemon. "I literally filmed myself committing crimes and then posted it online for everyone to see. You can't at least put some handcuffs on me, maybe put me in a prison yard with a bunch of guys working up a sweat? What else am I supposed to do?"
According to sources, an exasperated Lemon showed the judge video proof that he committed several crimes, but to no avail. "He just kept asking if this was at least good enough for a strip search," said Judge Roger Barnes. "I kept telling him that as his liberal buddy, I was doing him a huge favor. He just kept sobbing and muttering about soap. I was only trying to help."
At publishing time, Lemon had redoubled his efforts to get in a men's prison by videoing himself overstating the value of his Florida home.
Minnesota is the place to be!
