MILAN — Somalia's Olympic delegation raised eyebrows and suspicions of fraud this week after winning the country's 734th gold medal at the 2026 Milano Cortina Winter Olympics.
According to judges, competitors, and spectators, the winning streak from the hot, arid African country's athletes was "just a little suspicious."
"Seems a little suspect," said Bob Giaribaldi, an Olympics coordinator. "I'm not saying they're cheating or anything — it's simply kinda weird that they've pulled out over 700 medals by the sixth day of the Olympics. Like, why do all of the Somalis instantly get off the podium and head to the post office to mail their medals back home?"
Minnesota-born U.S. delegates at the Olympics confirmed that the Somali team isn't doing anything unusual and shouldn't be looked into at all.
"Fraud? Hahaha! No way!" chuckled Fred Gallagher, a naive Minnesotan and part-time Olympic doubles luge coach. "Their culture just encourages overperformance at traditional Somalian activities... like snowboarding. Nothing to worry about. No reason to reassess. Looks completely 'A-OK' to me."
At publishing time, the ugly spectre of fraud allegations had once again reared its head after the Somali team set up multiple Learing Centers in the Olympic Village.
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