WASHINGTON, D.C. - After over a year of courtship, Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy and White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki have announced they are finally tying the knot.
"Um, on a personal note, I would like to announce that I will soon be stepping down to marry Peter Doocy," said Psaki at the end of a recent press conference. "I believe, and the President agrees, that this is the best course of action for me at this point in time."
Doocy then jumped up from his seat in the press pool and then did a fist pump before aggressively questioning the Press Secretary. "Excuse me," he said, "don't you think it's a little hypocritical to host a lavish wedding ceremony to me in D.C. when so many people are struggling? And don't you think it's a conflict of interest to marry someone in the press?"
"No further questions," said Psaki with a twinkle in her eye and a shy smile before exiting the stage.
"Ugh, finally," said CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins. "The crackling tension whenever those two were in the room together was overpowering. It makes it really hard for the rest of us to do our jobs when those two are bickering so adorably and making eyes at each other constantly. Get a room, you two! Also, congratulations!"
Doocy and Psaki will host a lavish wedding in the nation's capital, where all VIPs on the Left and the Right except for Lauren Boebert will be invited to attend.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
