DALLAS, TX—Clad in fedoras, smoking cigars, and wielding Tommy guns, prohibition enforcement agents raided a speakeasy salon today, busting a dangerous gang of haircutting criminals.
The community thanked the brave agents for keeping them safe from the underground haircutting crime ring. The business has been operating in secret, with hair stylists opening a little eye slot and asking for the password before letting ladies in to get their hair cut. Authorities believe they have smuggled hundreds of desperate women in for cuts, colors, and even deadly shampoos.
"Freeze, toots!" a Bureau of Salon Prohibition enforcement agent shouted as he busted into the underground salon. The hairstylists scrambled to press a button that turned the salon into a take-out Chinese restaurant, but it was too late. "Ya can't hornswoggle me, toots, see?"
"Listen here, see? We're gonna bust ya, see? There's no room for cuttin' hair on my turf, toots," the lead agent said after he'd cuffed the ringleader of the dangerous criminals. "We're gonna drag you into the slammer, put ya on ice for a while, see?"
The agents then jumped in their 1920s sedan and sped off to bust an underground gym.