WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans overwhelmingly voted blue on Election Day in a clear rebuke of Trump's inability to name more lakes after the United States.
According to exit polling data, the number one issue among voters was having lakes and other bodies of water renamed "America", a promise Trump failed to deliver on.
"He kept threatening to rename the Atlantic Ocean, but then he never did. Way to fail your constituents!" said Jay Hillyard of Texas. "The only solution was to elect James Talarico to the Senate."
Political experts believe that if Trump had renamed even one more body of water after America, that Republicans could have retained both the House and Senate.
Fox News' Sean Hannity laid into Trump on his program. "I'm the biggest Trump supporter I know, but even I couldn't believe how few lakes he named 'America,'" he said. "What about Lake Mead in Nevada? What about Lake Tahoe? They could have been excellent American lakes, but I'm afraid Trump lost his chance."
Of all issues, 3% of voters said affordability was their most important issue, 5% were more concerned about the war in Iran, and a whopping 92% felt betrayed that not enough lakes had been renamed "America."
"How can I ever trust Trump again?" said one Joe Sullivan of Louisiana. "He promises and promises and never names more lakes 'America.' He secured the border, but he didn't rename Lake Pontchartrain, so who cares?"
At publishing time, Trump had announced that during his lame duck years he would only be renaming lakes after himself.
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