HOLLYWOOD, CA—After resigning from his position in the Catholic Church in disgrace, ex-Cardinal Theodore McCarrick has reportedly signed on for a role in a sequel to The Predator, a reboot of the classic film franchise.
McCarrick will play the eponymous role of the Predator, a vicious alien who stalks and preys on innocent people for sport.
“This guy’s audition was perfect: creepy, disgusting, manipulative—everything we need in a fearsome sentient humanoid alien possessing futuristic weaponry and a predatory instinct,” said one casting agent. “He was downright intimidating in his interpretation of an extraterrestrial predator with thermal vision and large mandibles that could crush a man’s skull.”
“We expect Uncle Ted to be a Hollywood mainstay in a variety of villainous roles for years to come,” he added.
While McCarrick has come under fire for agreeing to play the otherworldly nemesis, the Pope quickly rushed to his defense, shielding him from any criticism for his role as a deadly, abusive Predator.