'Everything Is Fine,' Dems Report As Pelosi Cracks, Trump Acquitted, Primaries Implode All In One Week

U.S.—Democrats have reported that "everything is fine" and "nothing is wrong" and "there is nothing to see here" as we near the end of a week in which Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi had a mental breakdown, President Trump was acquitted, and the Democratic primaries collapsed into chaos all within a few days.

Nancy Pelosi said the Trump acquittal thing wasn't a big deal, because Democrats have learned an important lesson from the debacle: they need to impeach Trump harder. "We made a mistake in not putting more of our chips into impeachment," she said, as she practiced ripping up Trump's next State of the Union address. "We will put more into his second impeachment, and then things will be fine. Everything is fine. It's fine."

"There are no problems within the Democratic party," Adam Schiff said as his office collapsed in flames around him. "We have never been stronger. This is the end of Drumpf. The walls are closing in. This is the beginning of the end. Game over."

"This is fine."

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