PORTLAND, OR—In what is being seen as a major victory for federal enforcers, Antifa morale took a hit today after the entirely white mob failed to produce a decent chant or even clap on beat.
"Pathetic, just pathetic," said one observer. "They couldn't even rhyme. I always believed in the movement, I don't even know what to believe anymore."
According to citizen journalists on the ground, the crowd began to dissipate after a failed attempt at the following chant:
What is the thing that's bad because it's the source of all oppression?
Sources confirmed that nobody really knew when to clap and people began to hang their heads in defeat. The leaders tried again:
"Systemic racism! Transphobia!
We'll stop it!
Yes, that's absolutely
What we're going to do!"
Leaders tried to help people along by drumming on the hoods of cars and clapping but failed miserably. As the crowd continued to dissipate, rioters were forced to revert to their standard primal screams. Antifa leaders have confirmed they will be hiring consultants to help make their chants more catchy in the future.
At publishing time, the protesters had tried to just tweet their slogans but they couldn't put the hand clap emojis in the right spot.
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