Church
Many Churches Handing Out Free Pants Ahead Of Sunday Service

U.S.— As churches across the nation reopen their doors for Sunday service, many are finding that due to prolonged quarantine, even their most godly members have forgotten some basic rules of church etiquette.

“Our people have completely forgotten they’re supposed to be wearing pants,” said Duane Chambers, a deacon at First Remnant Flame Congregation In The City Church in Boulder, Colorado. “I have seen more of my fellow church members than I ever wanted to see. Leadership has had to respond quickly to address this crisis.” 

To address this pantsless pandemic, churches are setting up tables in their lobbies where Sunday worshipers can grab a free pair of pants and a COVID mask before entering the sanctuary. “Honestly, I meant no disrespect. I just entirely forgot what it was like to wear pants on Sunday!” explained one embarrassed church greeter. “Boy, do I feel silly. Thanks for the pants!”

“In these troubling times, we encourage our congregation to always put on the full armor of God. Also, a pair of pants would be nice,” said Deacon Chambers. "In an effort to serve the broad needs of a diverse community, our church will be offering everything from skinny jeans to ultra-skinny jeans!"

Baptist churches are also said to be loading up on extra-stretchy denim for potluck Sundays. 

The church originally intended for the pants to be returned after the service, but after seeing the congregation’s level of hygiene, they decided they didn’t want them back after all.

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