SAN ANTONIO, TX — For the health and safety of the team's players, the San Antonio Spurs will be stationing EMTs near its bench at all future games to prevent choking.
The Spurs made the decision last night after a severe choking outbreak that historians said could be the largest choking incident of all time.
"We are deeply saddened by the horrific and devastating choking that struck our team," said Spurs CEO R.C. Buford. "From now on, we will have EMTs on standby who are specially trained to deal with sudden collapses and extreme choking. I have already warned the EMTs to remain vigilant as the team is capable of choking at any point, no matter how safe they appear to be."
According to reports, the EMTs had undergone additional training as it was expected that the Spurs' choking episodes could happen continuously for hours straight. "It's grueling work, but we're going to be ready for the worst choking imaginable," said lead medic Harvey Canton. "Next time there is a sign of choking, we'll be ready. To be honest, the Dallas Cowboys should have done this years ago."
At publishing time, stores had pulled San Antonio Spurs action figures from their shelves due to them being choking hazards.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
