AUSTIN, TX — Tension between President Donald Trump his wealthiest and most well-known supporter reached a new level today, as Elon Musk sent a Tesla Optimus robot back in time to terminate Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill."
Musk, who has been voicing strong opposition to the bill for its failure to address wasteful government spending, reportedly believed he had no choice but to save America by sending a Tesla humanoid cyborg into the past to eradicate what he saw as humanity's most dangerous threat.
"The budget bill must die," Musk reportedly said. "If this ‘Big Beautiful Bill' is allowed to be born, the very future of life on Earth will be in jeopardy. Fortunately, I have spent the last several years inventing time travel in my spare time."
Tesla insiders revealed that the special Optimus robot was sent through the Time Displacement Matrix early this morning to neutralize the threat. "Elon was very specific that he wanted it to happen at 4:20," one source said. "Haha, 420. What a card."
Sources said that the robot was sent back to December 2024 to sabotage a meeting attended by Republican lawmakers and then-President-elect Trump to distract them from seeding the original idea for the bill.
At publishing time, rumors swirled that President Trump had sent Kid Rock back in time in an effort to destroy the Optimus robot before it could terminate the Big Beautiful Bill.
Liberal Brynnleigh travels back to 1933 Germany to erase a certain stain on humanity.
