Stacey Abrams turned the medical world upside-down earlier this week with her revelation that heartbeats are a complete scam, concocted to trick women into thinking babies are alive. We here at the Bee have delved deep and uncovered even MORE heinous plots by the world's men-folk aimed at deceiving women that babies are actually human.
- Baby pictures - An obvious ploy to maintain the nefarious lie that all living humans started off as babies. What a crock!
- Morning sickness - Another brilliant construct of the patriarchy, whereby men secretly add small amounts of poison to a woman's daily coffee for about three months and then stop. Mwahaha!
- Ultrasound videos - All of those videos showing babies responding to their mother's voice are clearly deep fakes.
- Weight gain during "pregnancy" - In fact, a cabal of men secretly put extra calories in a woman's food for nine months so they get fat and then think there's a life growing in them. What commitment!
- Genetic testing - Actually, the entire field of genetics is a complete fraud, developed to subjugate women by making them think babies have their own unique DNA.
- Feeling the "baby" move - Nothing more than the Taco Bell you ate for lunch. Steer clear of the chalupas.
- Crying sound when "baby" is born - Ha! That's just the nurse weeping because of how ugly that little blob of cells is. Oldest trick in the book.
- Deep, profound sense of love moms feel towards their babies - Nothing but a CIA mind control satellite, right Stacey?
Wow, those men are dastardly! Watch out for all of these clever traps, ladies!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
