Dumbledore Starting To Wonder If Having A House Filled With Racist Murderers Named After Snakes Such A Good Idea

Entertainment · Jul 11, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
Image for article: Dumbledore Starting To Wonder If Having A House Filled With Racist Murderers Named After Snakes Such A Good Idea

HOGWARTS — Headmaster Albus Dumbledore admitted he was beginning to question the sensibility of having an entire house of students named after an evil snake that's dedicated to perpetuating racist ideas and destroying Hogwarts.

"Huh, I wonder if the continuous attacks against our school are at all related to having a house full of bloodthirsty murderers," Dumbledore remarked. "They're always going on about 'Mudblood' and keeping the races pure. And then they all try to murder all the other students at the end of each school year. Maybe if we just didn't have a Slytherin house... nah, that would be crazy."

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has four houses where students can be placed at the beginning of their tenure at the school. Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor are all houses known for benevolent virtues, experts said. Slytherin is traditionally known as a house that contains the students who come from families who want to kill half-wizards and set Lord Voldemort loose on the world.

"Maybe we could solve a lot of problems if we just got rid of... no, it couldn't be that," Dumbledore was reportedly heard muttering to himself. "We need Slytherin around as a balance to the virtuous and good houses. That's important to the plot, er, I mean, to the strength of the school."

At publishing time, Slytherins had once again devised a lengthy and convoluted plot to release Lord Voldemort and bring about the destruction of the wizarding world, a problem many say could have perhaps been predicted, knowing their history.


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