NEW YORK CITY, NY — In an effort to address his looming legal fines, Donald Trump challenged Judged Arthur Engoron this week to a $450 million basketball game of one-on-one, double or nothing.

"Double or nothing, make-it-take-it, we're going to ball out so hard, it's going to be unbelievable," said Trump. "I'm great at making deals, literally wrote the book on it. That Judge, always been a loser, he has no idea what's about to hit him. He's never seen my jump shot, doesn't know about my glass game, has no idea. I almost feel bad for him, but no mercy, this is basketball, we're talking hoops, people."

In a surprise move, Judge Engoron responded by immediately accepting the challenge. "The white Muggsy Bogues, that's what my friends always called me," said Judge Engoron. "Well, technically they didn't because I don't have any friends, but if I did, that's what they would call me. It's going to be a bloodbath out there."

At publishing time, Trump had erased his debt with a crushing victory over the judge, only to go back $450 million in the hole after betting it all again on a pie-eating contest.