SAN FRANCISCO, CA — One of the country's most popular meal delivery services made a move to boost its market share among Christian customers this week, as DoorDash announced it would begin offering a $2.99 upgrade where the driver would pre-pray for your food.
The new option, DoorDash said, would allow hungry Christians to start eating their food faster instead of having to go through the added step of asking God to bless it to their bodies before digging in.
"Let us handle the blessing so you can handle the eating," said DoorDash spokesperson Hailey Randle. "Why leave yourself with the extra hassle of needing to stop and ask the Lord to bless your meal when you're already starving? Just add on the $2.99 upgrade and your delivery driver will pre-pray for your food before dropping it off. Now only that, but the app will give you options for different prayers to fit your preferred denomination."
Christian DoorDash users were thrilled by the news. "This will be a valuable time-saver," said professing believer Josh Clinton. "When I'm coming off a time of fasting and prayer, I'm starving. If I can pay a few more dollars and have the driver pre-pray over my food before I get it, I don't have to worry about pausing to acknowledge God at all before I wolf it down. Thanks, DoorDash!"
At publishing time, DoorDash had also announced that for an additional 99-cent charge, the delivery driver will hold hands with you while he prays for the food.
This is a 100% accurate depiction of how the best experts designed the legendary USDA Food Pyramid.
