Politics
'Don't Slip Away, Allie -- Come Back To Noah!' Cries Weeping Brian Stelter During Nightly Viewing Of 'The Notebook'

ATLANTA, GA—According to sources close to CNN personality Brian Stelter, the news host wept uncontrollably during his nightly viewing of The Notebook yesterday evening.

The tears brimmed over his eyes throughout the movie, threatening to spill over into a flood, but Stelter mostly held it together until the end of the film. When Allie finally remembered who Noah was and they began to slow-dance together, he collapsed into a sobbing mess. But he "really lost it" when she started to slip away again. "DON'T SLIP AWAY, ALLIE!" he begged, falling to his knees in front of his television. "COME BACK TO NOAH!"

"PLEASE REMEMBER, ALLIE! DON'T GO AWAY AGAIN!" Stelter screamed at the top of his lungs as the elderly woman slipped back into the clutches of her dementia. "NOAH IS RIGHT THERE! HE LOVES YOU!"

Stelter reportedly turned into a blubbering mess at the last shot of the movie when the birds fly away in the distance. 

"SHE SAID SHE WAS A BIRD WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER AND NOW THE BIRDS ARE FLYING AWAY AND THEY DIED IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS AND I JUST CAN'T I LITERALLY CANNOT."

"WHY, ALLIE, WHYYYYY!?!"

He also says tonight he may switch things up and watch The Vow.

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

There is 1 comment on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.