LITTLE ROCK, AR — In a life lesson that would be beneficial to creatures of all species, a local dog on his deathbed expressed wistfully that he wished he had spent more time barking at nothing.
The Harris family said their tearful goodbyes as their beloved dog, Bagel, lay near death and looking back over the 15 years of his life, longing for just one more opportunity to stand at the front window of the family's home and bark endlessly for no particular reason.
"Take your opportunities while you can, kids," Bagel said as he labored to breathe. "Why, when I was a young pup, I thought I had an infinite number of days to bark at nothing and lick myself. As it turns out, you never know when your last day of barking at nothing is over. One day it's here; another it's gone. Such is life. Smell those roses while you can, folks. Before you know it, it's all over…"
The Harris family sobbed as they reflected on Bagel's life. "It seems like it went by so quickly," said Carl Harris, the patriarch of the family. "It feels like it was just yesterday that Bagel would stand at the window and just bark and bark… for absolutely no reason at all. We'd go look to see what he was barking at, and sure enough, there was nothing there."
Bagel imparted his words of wisdom to the family as he breathed his last. "Remember," he said, "The vast expanse of nothing won't bark at itself. You're going to have to be the ones who do it. Go up to that window… and bark. Bark for me."
At publishing time, the Harris family planned to mount a commemorative plaque reading "Bark!" at the front window as a reminder to let no opportunity go to waste.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions