WASHINGTON, D.C. — After concerns arose previously over President Joe Biden's overall health when the public learned of his use of a CPAP machine at night, White House medical personnel expressed positive feelings about how well Biden is now sleeping without assistance.

"He's really sleeping better, even during important meetings," said Dr. Kevin O'Connor, the president's physician. "When I saw him zonk out while speaking with the Israeli President, I knew he was showing real signs of improvement with his natural sleeping ability. Shoot, he may even be feeding himself here before you know it."

Public concern over Biden's health reached a new level recently after administration officials disclosed the president had begun using a CPAP machine to treat his sleep apnea. Those concerns were relieved during Biden's summit with Israeli President Isaac Herzog this week, with the president falling unconscious right in front of the assembled media in the Oval Office.

Though White House sources were quick to deny Biden was sleeping during the meeting, the president's doctors were privately encouraged. "Yeah, I know they're trying to claim he wasn't asleep," said Dr. O'Connor, "but let's be real. What else was he doing? Praying? Resting his eyes?" Please. I'm just glad he's getting better rest, even if it's in the middle of a public meeting with another head of state."

At publishing time, Dr. O'Connor had prescribed a glass of warm milk and a nice warm blanket to be given to President Biden immediately before any important meeting with a foreign leader.

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