U.S. - With hospitals inundated with car accident victims all year round, doctors have announced they are running out of compassion, especially since many of those victims didn't wear their seatbelts.
"Listen - my job isn't to have compassion and heal everyone who gets wheeled in here," said local surgeon Dr. Kilem. "My job is to make sure these people are living the way I want them to, and then decide who lives or dies based on that. This world has too many people in it anyway. Come to think about it, why did I become a doctor? Oh yeah - money."
Doctors around the country are protesting people who are being brought to them for care, most of whom made questionable life decisions that led to their injury.
"Sex workers? Drug addicts? Bungee-jumpers? Who says they even deserve to live anyway?" said Dr. Kilem. "I'm only a doctor for goodness sake." He then got in his new BMW, put three masks on, and drove off.