MIAMI, FL—A major cave-in occurred after all Democratic candidates scrambled to the far left side of the debate stage Thursday evening.
As the debate kicked off, Bernie Sanders immediately ran to the left. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden vaulted over him, demanding to be the one standing farthest to the left. Buttigieg yelled, "Hey, straight dudes! Watch this!" and leaped over both of them in a fabulous cartwheel, landing perfectly right near the edge of stage left. He was given a "10" by the judges.
Kamala Harris called in a SWAT team to shoot at and arrest the other candidates while she rushed to the left side as well, though she was angry to discover this was illegal. Eric Swalwell went a step further and tried to call in a nuclear strike so he could dive as far left as possible while the others would be forced to take cover, but luckily his staffers had just given him a kids' Spy Gear walkie-talkie and told him it was a nuke button.
As these candidates and the 495 other ones you've never heard of rushed to the left, a creaking sound was heard. Finally, the stage gave way, tilted far to the left, and collapsed, "just like the Titanic going down in the icy waters of the Atlantic."
Andrew Yang was confused as to what the other candidates were doing and just stood in the middle smiling and holding up a $1,000 bill. He was catapulted through the roof as the stage flipped over.