WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democratic leaders in the House called on their Republican colleagues in the Senate to run a fair and thorough impeachment trial instead of a farce as they did when they held impeachment hearings.
"We demand Republicans take this seriously and not make this into a circus as we did," Pelosi said sternly. "I would hope the Senate would carry out their solemn duty and not make this a big charade, you know, as we did in the House."
"This is a very solemn occasion, and Senate Republicans have a duty to treat it as such."
She then handed out big, commemorative foam fingers reading "IMPEACH 45."
Other Democrats echoed Pelosi's sentiments, with Adam Schiff saying, "Any impeachment trial that does not immediately railroad the president out of office despite the lack of any impeachable crimes is clearly a sham."
"How did I do?" he asked, concerned his performance wasn't up to snuff. "Can we do another take? I didn't really feel it that time. Let's try it again and I'll really sell it this time." He tried another take, but in a minor wardrobe malfunction, his eye popped out of its socket.
Ocasio-Cortez could not be reached for comment as she had somehow tied herself up with her own shoelaces (because she is dumb).
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