Politics
Democrats: 'Without Abortion, Women Might Have To Settle For Having 7 Kids And Sitting On The Highest Court In The Land'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats are lamenting after Trump revealed his nomination to take Justice Ginsburg's seat on the Supreme Court: Amy Coney Barrett. Experts say that Amy Coney Barrett will set women's rights back approximately 6000 years since Judge Barrett is one of those weird Catholics who "actually believe all that stuff." The greatest fear, according to 95% of people with purple hair, is that she will take away everyone's sacred right to kill their own children in abortion. 

"What will we do without abortion?" said Peg Butterwiggles, one of the women protesters interviewed outside the Supreme Court. "Without abortion, women may have to settle for throwing their careers away by having seven kids and then sitting on the seat of the most powerful court in the land!"

Progressive leaders are worried that Amy Coney Barrett serving on the Supreme Court may send the wrong message to little girls around the country that a full and meaningful life is actually possible without Planned Parenthood.

"Look how happy and powerful she looks," said Butterwiggles. "It's disgusting! Everyone knows it's literally impossible to have a life worth living unless you kill all your kids to please the CEO of your supply chain company in order to have a healthy 401K!"

Prominent intellectual Lena Dunham expressed similar concerns saying, "This is literally The Handmaid's Tale. We're all about to get oppressed by men who want to marry us and give us children and provide for our every need until we die together holding hands in a hospital bed! Gross!" 

After Trump's announcement, the group of protestors shrieked at the sky one last time as their human rights slipped away forever. 

There are 42 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.