WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the United States Senate progressed toward voting on the SAVE Act, Democrats warned that requiring voter ID would disenfranchise their key voting demographic of people who are too stupid to get an ID.
Party leaders made the urgent plea as Republicans prepared to bring the bill to the floor for a vote, stressing that people who were not intelligent enough to obtain legal, valid forms of identification would be locked out from selecting who should be in charge of the country.
"We cannot shut out our voting block of morons," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. "If this bill becomes law, then our most important demographics — dead people, illegal aliens, and people who are too stupid to know how to get an ID — will be lost to us. We can't allow that to happen. Total morons must have their ability to vote preserved for future generations."
High-ranking Democrats also warned that requiring voters to present identification could result in people knowing who they are. "It's a dangerous and slippery slope," Senator Elizabeth Warren said. "We do not want anyone identifying our constituents. They are perfectly legal voters, and requiring them to prove it is evil. We rely on the stupidity of people who are too dumb to obtain IDs to vote for us and won't ever get elected again without them."
At publishing time, Senate Democrats were pushing to amend the SAVE Act to exempt elderly nursing home patients who are duped into filling out mail-in ballots from being discriminated against.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
