U.S. — Following a difficult year that saw the party lose the White House to Donald Trump and both houses of Congress to Republican control, a new survey revealed that Democrats' poll numbers had surged among the key narcoterrorist demographic.
While the Democratic Party had shown signs of making inroads in other segments of the voting populace, it was the sudden spike in support from the important South American illegal drug traffickers that gave the party hope that its popularity was back on the upswing.
"We're out here fighting hard for the rights of drug traffickers," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "And it's paying off in the poll numbers we're seeing from our narcoterrorist base. They know that the Democratic Party is the party that will help them grow their businesses, create more jobs for hardworking cartel mules, and get their products into the hands of millions of Americans across the country. Narcoterrorists deserve a political party that will fight for them."
Narcoterrorists admitted that the Democrats were their biggest proponents in Washington. "Sí, the Democratic Party is our best friend," said José, a third-generation narcoterrorist from Venezuela. "Ever since we got thousands of our people into the country and obtained the ability to vote when President Biden was in office, we've become huge fans of the Democrats. They're the party for us."
At publishing time, Democratic Party leaders were reportedly hard at work putting the finishing touches on their "pro-Antifa, pro-child-mutilation, pro-drug-trafficking" 2028 platform.
Heartwarming!
