WASHINGTON, D.C. — Frustrated members of the Democratic Party expressed exasperation today, as their effort to retake control of the United States Congress was once again thwarted by the existence of laws.
Laws have long been a thorn in the side of the Democratic Party, which blamed its latest setback at the ballot box due to not being able to break the law.
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Party officials reportedly spent several frantic hours attempting to determine whether Congress could simply pass a law eliminating laws, but legal scholars warned that doing so would itself require making a law. "We're really in a pickle," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. "Apparently, you can't make a law that eliminates laws. It's some sort of Inception-type catch-22, I guess. I don't really understand it. All I know is that we're trying to retake the House and the Senate, but we keep being told that we can't commit felonies. It's aggravating."
Without being allowed to break laws across the country, Democrats said they may have no choice but to come up with policies that are appealing and actually campaign to convince people to vote for them.
At publishing time, Democrats had accused laws of being far-right, fascist constructs.
Every hour a racist loses hope, will you help the Southern Poverty Law Center to help a racist in need?
