DEARBORN, MI — Mayor Abdullah Hamoud of Dearborn has officially declared that the city will be renamed "Dearborn Islamic Caliphate of Michigan."
Mayor Hamoud made the surprise announcement during a routine City Council meeting last night. After refusing a request to rezone ten acres of city property for industrial use, Hamoud took the opportunity to change the city's name, as well as call for a violent uprising to destroy the infidels in Michigan and all neighboring states.
"First, we will update our signage with the town's new name. Then, we will rid the greater Lansing area of the scourge of infidels once and for all! Death to the infidel!" cried Hamoud, brandishing an AK-47. "From the river to Great Lake, Ohio we will break! Our glorious warriors shall make the grounds of the Toledo suburbs shake with vengeance of Allah."
The jihad announcement came as a shock to Ohio, which, according to sources, was just doing its normal thing. "We were just kinda being Ohio, not doing too much, watching some football," said local resident John Accordino. "It's a real shame to hear about the jihad. Good luck to them trying to take over East Cleveland."
At publishing time, the jihad had died out in an incredible blaze of gunfire in East Cleveland.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
