CHICAGO, IL — Political commentator and columnist for The New York Times David French praised Satan on Monday, calling the great red dragon the most Christian person in history.
"Everything Satan does, for better or worse, is predicated upon Christian ideals. He indirectly points us to Christ by his evil, which makes him among Christ's most ardent supporters," French said during an episode of The Opinions, a roundtable podcast from The New York Times. "Satan really shines."
According to French, Satan doesn't just root his policies and ideologies in Christian belief, he's also a seminarian willing to dive deep into theology. "Jesus started a universal movement based on mutual love. Satan really gets that," French pointed out. "Satan is always out there supporting gay marriage or making sure an unwanted pregnancy doesn't stand in the way of someone and what they really want."
French's opinions have received significant blowback in recent days from what he calls wolves in sheep's clothing. "These days, I'm asked more about Satan than I'm asked about Jesus. That should tell you something," French said in defense of his statements. "Anyone who ignores the important work Satan is doing for Christianity isn't really a Christian."
At publishing time, David French got out his trusty Ouija board to contact Satan and ask what he should have an opinion on next.
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