SHOREVIEW, MN — In the latest in a long line of cruel, heartless atrocities it has committed, the Trump administration has just stripped federal funding from a gas station daycare center with 20,000 students.
According to Absame Dihoud, the daycare's proprietor, President Donald Trump's tyrannical actions will leave the 20,000 students enrolled at the New Day Sunshine Learing Center for Kids, which is centered in the Daycar & Gas Rest Stop, entirely without educational opportunities.
"Just think of the children!" Dihoud's translator said, gesturing toward a fuel tanker that had just pulled into refuel at the station. "Now there will be no way for all 20,000 of Mr. Dihoud's students to come here every day for daycare. What are their parents going to do? Trump is unfathomably evil and corrupt."
The New Day Sunshine Learing Center for Kids has a 4.6-star rating on Google Maps, with over three reviews noting how clean the bathrooms are and also "كم هي رائحتها جميلة."
"This is an outrage to his thriving daycare center," said Dihoud's translator. "He should be able to rely on consistent funding from the American government to help him feed his family, take care of 20,000 toddlers at his learing center, and be able to help fund global jihad. Trump is clearly a fascist."
At publishing time, Trump's funding cuts had also cruelly stripped money from Dihoud's School For Immigrants Who Want To Drive Good And Speak English Good Too.
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