PHILADELPHIA, PA — The Dallas Cowboys lost on the road to the Philadelphia Eagles over the weekend, but most of the team is reporting waves of relief to learn that the chorus of boos they heard the entire time was not for them, but for the honorary Captain for the coin toss, Jill Biden.
"Wait... they're not booing us?" said Dallas running back Ezekiel Elliott, his eyes welling up with tears. "We've never been not booed before! I think that must be the sweetest sound in the world — boos directed at someone other than us! It's... it's like music!"
Sources confirmed that the moment the First Lady walked on the field, she was met with a chorus of boos and chants of "Let's Go Brandon." The angry jeering continued for hours through the remainder of the game.
"It's unclear what these fans were angry about since the Biden Administration is loved by all and the economy is great," said Press Secretary Jean-Pierre. "We can only conclude this was some kind of colossal mix-up."
Sources close to the team say the Cowboys went home with their heads held high despite the 17-26 loss. The team's owner has responded by inviting Jill Biden to their future home games to keep their self-esteem up.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.