WASHINGTON, D.C. — Politicians who represent the country with record illiteracy expressed worry about what might happen if the education system responsible for making everyone illiterate were reformed.
"We cannot stand idly by while King Elon Musk guts the Department of Education and replaces it with a better education system that will enrich the lives of all Americans," said Congressman Bill Foster. "I cannot have my constituents learning how to read. What if that leads to them thinking for themselves? Everything we've worked so hard to build would be destroyed."
Concern over the Department of Education's fate reached a boiling point early Friday when politicians marched on the Lyndon Baines Johnson Department of Education Building to express concern over possible reforms but were stopped by security. This led to outrage as many legislators were too illiterate to understand the order the security guard had issued.
"You can't stand here!" screamed Maxine Waters, representative of California's 43rd district. "I don't know what the words on the door say but I'm certain they don't say 'closed!'"
As others verbally assaulted the security guard standing in front of the entrance to the building, others carefully read the words on the door to prove that they were not as illiterate as others.
"This says 'All Access Entrance,'" said a proud Representative Lateefah Aaliyah Simon of California. "I can read."
At publishing time, some members of Congress began to regret the record illiteracy in the United States, wondering if perhaps their shouting 'We are members of Congress, look at our ID badges' might have worked if people could read.
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