Controversy As Catholic Church Decides To Deny Communion To Satanic Goat Worshipers
Politics

U.S.—There are many Catholics in the world with many beliefs, but a number of U.S. bishops have decided to take a political stand and have voted to deny Communion to Satanic goat worshippers. Many see this as targeted at President Biden, who is deeply Catholic but also likes to engage in Satanic goat worship.

“It is simply our opinion that you can’t be a Catholic in good standing and also pledge allegiance to Satan while bowing down before a goat,” said one bishop who wished to remain anonymous so Satanic goat worshippers don’t put a hex on him.

As for Biden, while he says Satan is a “bad dude, much like Corn Pop,” he still plans to ask Satan for his power while bowing down before a sinister-looking goat he named “Black Phillip,” and Biden sees no conflict between this and his faith.

A number of bishops do oppose denying Communion to Satanic goat worshipers, though. They worry that this could put the church in direct conflict with Democrats — huge supporters of Satanic goat worship — making it harder for the church to work with them on issues such as poverty, racism, and the environment. Still, they admit, even if they were to be able to get past the Satanism, there was still no getting past the baby murder.

There are 74 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.