Politics
Conservative Plasters Walls With Posters Of AOC So He Can Constantly Remind Himself How Much He Hates Her

GREENVILLE, SC—As a life-long Republican, Gary Corlan openly hates U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez so much that he has covered his entire bedroom walls with posters of her, just to remind himself of how much he hates her.

“She’s just the worst person in the world!” Corlan said in a recent interview. “As president of my university’s Young Republicans Club, these posters help me remember to keep my eyes on the prize. Uh, not that AOC is a prize. She’s not. I hate her. And she’s not at all hot.”

Corlan paused and took a deep gulp while glancing at some of the posters. “...I’m only pointing that out because maybe... maybe you were kind of thinking that I thought she was a little attractive or whatever. But I don’t. She’s super unattractive. Is it hot in here?”

The various photos and posters of the young socialist decorating his room include everything from memes, to her “kids in cages” photoshoot, to several dozen still frames from the dancing video she made back in college. 

“This one here where she’s doing the pouty lip by the barbed wire fence at the border is one of my favorites —to hate, I mean.” Corlan explained, while taking a few seconds to gaze at the nearly life-size print hanging from the ceiling above his bed. “Some people might think she looks good in this photo, but I think she looks not very good at all. And I definitely don’t like to kiss it when nobody’s looking, if that’s what you were thinking. And even if I did —which I don’t— it would be, like, a hate-kiss, like... out of spite. That’s a thing, right? A hate-kiss? ...Right?”

Among other AOC-themed items in his collection were a lipstick-smudged quarantine mask AOC had worn at a rally, and a mannequin with a black wig and a cut out of AOC’s face on its head. The collection also includes a notebook, covered in a handmade collage of AOC’s photos, containing original poetry by Corlan about how he is not attracted to her at all.

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