WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid an ongoing government shutdown, members of the U.S. Congress reassured the American public on Thursday that the paychecks of the U.S. Congress would not be affected.
"A government shutdown can be a stressful time for everyone," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "But rest assured, we're still collecting our paychecks."
Senators and representatives on both sides of the aisle were quick to inform their constituents that Congress would still receive its pay despite the government shutdown. "I know WIC, EBT, housing assistance, disaster assistance, and federal student aid disbursements have all been delayed, but please don't worry about me," said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "I'm still getting paid."
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said he was working very hard to get funding for illegal aliens to undergo expensive gender transition procedures and would not vote for the government to reopen unless Republicans agreed, but promised Americans that he would still be OK. "I'll soldier through," he said. "I still get a nice paycheck, and my Social Security check still comes in like clockwork."
"I'm going to be just fine. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers."
At publishing time, members of the U.S. Congress also assured Americans living in crime-ridden cities that their armed security would not be subject to the government shutdown.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
