WASHINGTON, D.C. — Lawmakers sent shockwaves around the globe with the Christmas season right around the corner, as Congress passed a resolution to release Santa Claus' "Naughty or Nice" list.
The controversial bill was met with heavy opposition on Capitol Hill, as the release of Santa's list was set to expose the names of naughty power players and world leaders to the public for the first time.
"There are a lot of people who don't want this information made public," said House Speaker Mike Johnson. "Rest assured, we didn't make this decision lightly. While there is something to be said about the national security risk of exposing the individuals named on the list, we feel that, in the interest of transparency, it is important to show who is naughty and who is nice."
The resolution passed by a vote of 285-98, with two members voting "present" and 47 abstaining. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries lamented the result. "This is a sad day for America, and indeed, the world," he told reporters. "The Republicans insist on placing everyone in danger of having their lives destroyed by revealing whether they have been ‘naughty' or ‘nice.' This is state-sponsored doxing, and the American people should not stand for it."
President Trump applauded the measure. "Everyone deserves to know the truth," he told the media. "It's very telling to see that so many Democrats voted against this. They must have something to hide. They're very naughty. Always have been. I am nice. I've always been on the ‘nice' list, believe me."
At publishing time, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi refused to comment on reports that she had been receiving lumps of coal in her Christmas stocking every year since 1958.
Congress is preparing to make some big changes!
