ELKO, NV — Local woman Sherry McKenzie reportedly ruined her reputation and was now being held up as an example of what a total failure of a woman looks like after it was discovered that she hasn't finished her Christmas shopping.
According to sources, McKenzie, who has four kids and a loving husband at home, hasn't even bothered to make a list of what she plans to buy her family and friends — because she's a complete and utter failure.
McKenzie's best friend, Nancy Fort, was first to confront her. "Come on, Sherry. It's almost August! What have you even been doing?" she asked. "I've had my Christmas shopping done for weeks."
McKenzie tried to defend her lowly state by suggesting she was waiting to see if people changed their minds about what they wanted for Christmas, but colleagues saw through the obvious excuse.
"Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if she's even a woman," her husband said. "I feel very confused right now."
Can McKenzie and women like her turn this dangerous trend around? Not really, say experts.
The advent of Amazon and other online retailers has caused many women to abandon buying Christmas gifts early, studies show. "Online shopping is largely responsible for the defeminization of women," said one expert. "Women aren't going window shopping constantly anymore, or frequenting boutiques. A lot of women don't even know what a boutique is, in fact — if you can even call them women."
At publishing time, concerned women held an intervention for McKenzie in which they urged her to go shopping with them immediately.
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