ARGENTINA—Communist dictators such as Joseph Stalin and Mao Zedong have grown increasingly jealous of the attention Adolf Hitler is getting even though he’s killed so few people.
“Six million jews?! That’s nothing,” commented Mao with the aid of an interpreter. “Yes, yes, [unintelligible] I know he killed gypsies too, but they don’t count. I kill in my sleep like a man. I blink and a million more are gone!” (Note: Mao was stoic as he spoke, but the interpreter waved her arms wildly to add further emphasis.)
“You know,” said Stalin thoughtfully. “I don’t think he’s even killed anyone himself. He just yells a lot like a total boomer.”
“You don’t deserve the notoriety he gets unless you shoot someone for mispronouncing your name.” Stalin smiled. “I’m famous for that.”
Emperor Hirohito of Japan agreed that Hitler was super lame, but he didn’t feel too concerned about it because only Communists are whiners. He failed to provide an on-the-record comment, however, because he was too busy playing Dragon Quest XI.
According to experts, Hitler is often used as a baseline for dictatorship because he has a more iconic look. “Stalin just looks like an old grandpa and Mao—don’t get me started on Mao,” said local historian, Andre Nureem. “Now, President Xi Jinping—he’s an up and comer. Look at those adorable cheeks!”
The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don't like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of "We Don't Talk About Bruno"!