WASHINGTON, D.C. — Interest in the Senate Finance Committee's questioning of the Health and Human Services Secretary reached a new high today, as Stephen Colbert's dancing vaccines were called to testify at Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s hearing.
The world's most famous troupe of dancing syringes was reportedly brought in to serve as Senate Democrats' surprise witnesses as they grilled RFK Jr. over various controversies that had taken place during the first several months of his leadership.
"Is it true that you all lost your jobs due to Secretary Kennedy's policy changes?" asked Senator Elizabeth Warren. "The American people deserve to know if the secretary's wanton disregard for science and dangerous policies at the Department of Health are not only causing harm to our citizens but also putting beloved television characters out of work."
The witnesses confirmed that their employment status came as a result of changes Kennedy has made at the CDC. "Yes, it's true," said Dancing Vaccine #2 in a pointed response. "We had prominent and highly paid positions at The Late Show with Stephen Colbert before Secretary Kennedy took over at HHS. Now, we're out on the street, dancing for whatever spare change people are generous enough to throw our way. Things have gotten rough."
Kennedy was adamant that he was not to blame for the syringes' current predicament. "I had nothing to do with them losing their jobs," he said. "While late-night talk shows losing their ability to be funny and entertaining has seemed to be contagious, it does not fall under the purview of my agencies."
At publishing time, Senate Democrats refused to comment on rumors that the red M&M had been subpoenaed to testify on Kennedy's ban on Red 40.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
