NEW YORK, NY — Amid incessant fears that Don Lemon may somehow find a way to return to his post at CNN, leadership at the satirical news organization took an unprecedented measure today and fired him for a second time, just to make sure.
"It may seem silly, but we had to make sure there was no possible way for this guy to come back," said CEO Chris Licht with a shudder. "This morning we invited him back to our world headquarters, sat him down in front of HR, and fired him a second time. We must take every precaution."
"We'll also consider a third firing if we deem it necessary."
Sources say they had witnessed the former morning talk show host lurking around the building after hours, having conversations with employees at the front entrance, and even berating the looks of middle-aged women in the lobby. Several sightings had fueled fears that Lemon wasn't actually gone for good.
To drive the point home after the firing, Lemon was even given another box of office supplies to carry out as he was escorted by security, witnesses say.
At publishing time, CNN had gone ahead and fired him a third time, just in case.
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