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Clintons Outnumber Crowd At Latest Speaking Engagement

TORONTO—At their latest speaking engagement, part of a North American tour featuring the former president and almost president, Bill and Hillary Clinton were disappointed to see that they outnumbered the crowd by "at least" a two-to-one ratio.

The Clintons emerged from backstage and scanned the audience, somewhat disheartened to see there were twice as many people onstage as in the crowd. Tim Carson of Hamilton, Ontario was said to be the only person in attendance, though he later admitted he thought he was going to a Nickelback concert.

The former first couple proceeded to give their talk to Tim and the mass of empty seats, awkwardly making jokes and waiting for applause only to have Carson yell out things like, "When is Nickelback gonna be here?" and  "Am I being detained?"

"Well, shucks, I expected there to be at least as many of them as there are of us," Bill Clinton told reporters afterward. "That was a little disappointing, I'm not gonna lie. About this, anyway."

At publishing time, tickets for the next stop on the Evening with the Clintons tour had been discounted to just 14 cents or a common-rarity Pokemon card.

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