PATTERSVILLE, NY - The Landon family has been searching for a new church for several months after moving to a new area, but had been unsuccessful at locating a congregation in which they felt at home - that is, until they visited Valley Community Church. As soon as they realized the service had concluded without a single time of greeting, shaking hands, or repeating a canned phrase to several dozen people around them, the Landons immediately ran to the back of the sanctuary and signed up for membership.

Onlookers claimed the couple also instantly volunteered to serve in as many ministries as possible, and pulled out their checkbook to give a full 20% of their income to the church.

"The second we realized we weren't forced to greet a single person during the worship service, we darted for the connection table and signed up for a lifetime membership," family father Jacob Landon told reporters after the service, as he donned an official Valley Community Church T-shirt. "We really believe in the mission of this church and what they're doing here in the community: preaching the gospel of Christ to the lost without ever forcing the socially anxious to shake hands, embrace, or say a word to another person in the pews around them."

"This is what the Great Commission is all about, and I'm committed to this church for life," he added as his introverted wife nodded emphatically.