TOPEKA, KS — The Rogers family faced serious persecution upon arrival at church this morning, as a visitor had parked in their usual parking spot.
"Why, Lord??" cried out Mr. Rogers, as he threw the car into reverse. "Ugh. I guess this is our cross to bear."
The family began facing spiritual oppression on the drive to church, as visitors created extra traffic around the parking lot. "This is the work of Satan," declared Mrs. Rogers, anxiously watching the clock. "We're going to be late for sure! Why do so many people have to come to church?"
Having overcome the parking space persecution, the Rogers family went on to find their usual pew also occupied. "This must be what it's like to worship in Communist China," sighed Mrs. Rogers. In spite of the setback, the family settled into the next pew and prepared for worship - only to have a visiting couple squeeze into the pew with them. "Consider it joy, brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds," repeated Mr. Rogers, in a vain attempt to calm himself.
At publishing time, Mrs. Rogers watched in horror as the visitors in front of them were served the last donut hole in the lobby.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
