DENVER, CO—Local Christian plumber Peter Howe has come under fire for refusing to join same-sex fittings. Howe is being labeled a "backward, hateful bigot" for his refusal to connect two male pipe threads or two female pipe threads, insisting on only the traditional, conservative practice of male-to-female connections.
"Fittings are between a male pipe thread and a female pipe thread only," said Howe in a statement. "That's the way God designed plumbing, and it's my religious right to refuse anyone with a different plumbing lifestyle. I'm not saying they don't have the freedom to do what they want. I'm just saying I don't want to participate in it."
Howe's most recent legal trouble came when a forward-thinking couple in Denver called him for an emergency plumbing job but asked him to violate his conscience by performing a same-sex fitting connection. Howe said he politely declined and referred the couple to a dozen other plumbers in the area who are same-sex-fitting-affirming (SSFA). The couple thanked him for his time but then slapped him with a lawsuit.
"Look, if you want to try to connect two male pipe nipples, be my guest," he said. "But plumbing is my personal expression of art, and I won't participate in ceremonies that cause me to violate my morals."
The couple did, in the end, find someone to perform their same-sex union. Their house is now flooded.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.