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Service Stations Begin Widening Signs In Preparation For Higher Gas Prices

U.S.—Service stations across the country have begun widening their signs in preparation for higher gas prices, sources confirmed Thursday.

The wider signs allow for prices up to eight digits long, "an absolute necessity" for the Biden presidency, according to local fuel station franchise owners.

"We're gonna need a bigger sign," gas station owner Amir Wallenfeld said in an interview with a local news station in Los Angeles. "This should get us through the first few years of the Biden presidency, though we're looking for a bigger one should he be reelected in 2024, should he live that long."

"There, that oughtta do it," he said as he updated the price of regular gasoline to $82.89. "Oh, wait, no -- sorry, just got an alert on my phone." He then climbed up and added a "1" to the front of the price. "It's a good thing we thought ahead!"

Sources have also confirmed that the national debt clock will be widened to prepare for Biden's coming spending policies.

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