SACRAMENTO, CA—Calling the measure a "major breakthrough" for the state's education system, Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law Friday a bill that mandates field trips to gay bars, strip clubs, and abortion clinics for the state's second graders.
"It's important that our kids receive a comprehensive education," Newsom said in a ceremony marking the bill's signing. "For too long, kids in our elementary schools today have not had a fully interactive LGBTQ+ experience. Sure, they can go to their local library and have a drag queen read them a story, or they can dress in drag themselves and go dance at gay bars as we applaud their actions. But it's not enough."
"That all ends today with the signing of the Gay Bar Field Trip Equality Act. Now, we can be assured that our state's kids will be fully immersed in alternative lifestyle education," he said proudly.
Kids will be taken to a local gay bar and given a free beer. They will be free to ask any questions about the LGBT lifestyle, as long as they don't condemn it. Some lucky students may even be selected to work at the bar. "This isn't creepy, trust me," Newsom said.
Governor Newsom continued to assure parents, however, that California public schools are unbiased institutions and that the kids are not being brainwashed to accept the LGBT agenda.