SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom announced this week that, in addition to commuting all death row inmates' sentences to life in prison, the state of California will no longer prosecute murderers who kill fewer than 950 people.
The administration felt the change, which brings the number of murders a person can legally commit in line with the amount of merchandise a person can legally steal, was long overdue.
"We are not going to waste our time prosecuting petty criminals who only murder 936 people," said Newsom. "So, you had a bad day and knocked off a few hundred neighbors with a machete. We've all been there. Should one bad day like that land you behind bars? Of course not. This is a common-sense reform that should have happened years ago."
Though Californians broadly supported the change, some residents felt the number should be a bit lower. "I feel like 948 murders is a few too many to get away with," said local woman Jennifer Hampton. "78 murders, okay, but once you've killed 100 people, I think you might be a danger to society. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but it's just how I feel."
At publishing time, the California Murderers Association had denounced the move as overly restrictive, calling for Newsom to allow for unlimited murders.
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