SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom announced Executive Order #14,203 today, converting all carpool lanes in the state into lanes reserved exclusively for rioters.
Instead of letting cars drive on the freeway lanes, the state will only allow protesters to hang out there and "peacefully riot." Any motor vehicles driving in the lane will be slapped with a hefty fine. Drivers harassing the protesters or not honking at their "Honk if You Love Communism" signs will be arrested on sight.
"Today, I'm fixing our broken freeway system by finally giving rioters the rights they deserve," Newsom said. "This decision was not made lightly. It is driven by the data and by SCIENCE."
Other states like Washington and Oregon may follow suit, though Portland authorities said they would probably just convert the entire freeway into a space for rioters.
When asked whether or not this would exacerbate the state's already-terrible traffic, Newsom told reporters, "check your privilege" and "stay in your lane."
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